i've got friends who la la lie

so bored :(

exam leave is really not cool at all. think i may go out for lunch even though i have three exams in the next week. i need time to relax! technically have had that for about a month but its okay....kind of.

because of this stupid time i've only really spoken to about three people, not including my parents who dont count. one being, b i think i shall call him. the whole love not getting involved thing leads me to be reluctant to name names. anyway, this b person is like my bestest guy friend at the moment. but he decided that this wasnt good enough for him, and for the past month has being trying to convince me that we should be 'more than friends'.

yeah right.

i mean he's a really nice guy, but hes just not my type at all. and i really cannot be bothered with his pestering. its annoying me. and i also feel really bad at the same time, because the way he's going about it, have honestly had to turn him down about 5 times. and its really not cool :(
because we were such good friends. and now its kinda ruined. how was i to know this was going to happen? he has no right to make me feel guilty...i thought we were friends but i guess he decided to keep the rest to himself. you see, im now reluctant to hang out with him at all, so as not to lead him on, but i really miss hanging out with him as a friend.

hmm what to do?

think i'll go watch the miley and mandy show...makes me laugh (immature: yes, but funny)

xxx

places you have come to fear the most

by dashboard confessional
Well this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please
Everyone
Or anyone at all.


song that im listening to right now. compelled me to write some more. yeah im slightly aware that my myspace obsession is now creeping over into blogs but its cool.

so anyway this song remings me of thee ex boyfriend...which you know is all right, because despite being together for OneYearSixMonths (just like thee yellowcard song.) im surprisingly upbeat about our break-up. might have something to do with his lack of being in the country for the past two months, and his not planning to return until july. selfish? yeah i thought so. and therefore for the first time in the history of our relationship - i broke up with him. numbers cannot describe the amount of times we have broken up in the relatively short space of time we've been together.

BUT

this time we havent spoken for two weeks. thats right. there is my willpower for all to see. i sent him a fairly evil break-up text (text really was the only option from the other side of the world) and have not heard from him since. and have also not had the urge to contact him. which is a new experience for me.

it would be a lie to say that i dont think about him. because i do.

but its like the other dashboard song..ghost of a good thing, which only now have i come to realise the real meaning of. by breaking up with him, i got over the horrible need i had to hold on to the memories of all the good times. this time i have finally realised that it doesnt work anymore. and im glad :)

and so freaking proud of myself.

but anyway...now there are new boy dramas to contend with

JOY


muchas love xxx

p.s. these could be the coolest things i have seen all day..

also.

dashboard confessional are currently floating my boat

and chase crawford is a bit of a god. well duh.

today...

for some reason feel a need to mumble about whats going on with moi. which isnt really much tbh. just a normal kind of random person.
not much special, weird or interesting.
hating school and all the stress that goes with it. hating boys and all the stress that goes with them also. friends are cool tho, especially the ones that are mine :) we do all sorts of random weird stuff to pass the time. but not so much just now because of exam stress!!! shall be over soon tho :)

currently our out of school activites are only going as far as the gym (ugh) and...yeah that is the extent of our social lives just now. but i did play golf :)

to be honest the whole purpose of this venture is to try and figure out how im feeling, since the majority of the time i dont really know myself. maybe if i write/type it down it'll all become a wee bit less confuzzling. tend to get myself messed up in silly situations, mostly because i cant work out myself. which is stupid. so from now on im trying this new thing where i take a teensy moment to think about things before i do ridiculous stuff.
hmm yeah i do seem randomly weird but i know that i am. ive accepted it. its cool.

peace out

xxx


song of the day: bright eyes - lua
And I'm not sure what the trouble was
That started all of this
The reasons all have run away
But the feeling never did
Its not something I would recommend
But its one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight
In the morning never is